


The Worst Year

by InterNutter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Dark, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 13:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 7,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12683307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterNutter/pseuds/InterNutter
Summary: They came in peace. The natives shot to kill.





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Adventure Zone, the Balance Arc, and all the characters therein belong to the McElroy family. I just play with ideas based on their fantastic game.
> 
> AN: This is not the Plane of Thought. This is more like the Plane of Willful Ignorance. And it’s remarkably like our own world.

Lucretia’s journals are usually tremendously neat. This one was not. Because of the terrible things that she documented there.

 

*

 

Day One.

 

A new world. A new hope. What we’ve seen of this plane leaves us to believe that this society is advanced beyond our level of understanding. The buildings stretch so high into the air and carts travel without horses. Surely these people have surpassed war and will welcome us with curiosity and a willingness to understand.

This world has had a strange effect on the twins. Their ears are twitching constantly as if they’re being bothered by invisible gnats. Most find this amusing, but I have restrained myself.

Finding a landing place is difficult. There's hardly any clear ground that's not used for crops or as a dumping ground. We surveyed as much of the land as we could before settling on a landing site. A rectangular swathe of nature in the middle of their glittering towers. There's just enough open ground for the Starblaster, there.

They will likely take this as a sign of our peaceful intent.

We have studied their images and reasoned that they value beauty. Therefore, Lup and Taako were in the lead to be our emissaries for first contact. Further study showed us that they value women above all else, and Lup lorded it over her brother for an hour.

Some preparation was necessary. Females in this reality all wear heels, and Taako is the only one among us who even _has_  them.

I have received much chagrin in the past for mistaking the twins for each other, but now I can tell them apart with moderate difficulty. Taako’s green eye is on his left. Lup has hers on the right. Taako rocks two-inch heels. Lup wears flats. All that was necessary, in the end, was for the twins to steal each other’s boots.

Lup towered over her brother. All this time, and I never knew that Taako was the short one.

The twins spent some time in preparation, during which, a welcome party gathered around the Starblaster. We gathered on the railing, with Davenport staying off his raised railing platform so that he wouldn’t show these people his moustache. We had decided that we would introduce them to strangeness one at a time.

The gathering vehicles were festive with flashing lights in blue, white, and red. The people who piloted them must have been the local guard. We remained still and calm.

Lup emerged with Taako fussing over her last final details. Conjuring flowers for her hair and her hat. Running over last minute instructions until she finally said, “Stop it, goofus. I know how to play the rubes.”

Even though I knew her as a world-class asshole, that final presentation stopped my heart. The twins are devastatingly beautiful, even at their worst. At their best? They just fucking _slay_. Even _I_ wanted to take Lup to my bed, and I’m _ace_.

The gangplank lowered. Deliberately slow. We did not want to cause any alarm.

Lup glided down once it had come to a halt. Unarmed. Radiant. Showing the local guard her empty hands. The perfect image of beauty and peaceful intent. How else can they react but with open arms?

Taako, to my left, is nervous. His breathing is rapid. I want to calm him, but I can’t. Everyone is smiling, but Taako’s face is a rictus.

Suddenly, he takes a deep breath. Screams. “Lulu! Uh-uh!”

It’s too late. They killed her.

There was the sound of fireworks and clouds of blood came out of her spasming body. And it keeps going. They keep making it happen even though she’s fallen and clearly dead.

Taako screams. The sound that comes out of him is unearthly. He’s over the railing and firing off every destructive spell he has. One after the other. And he won’t stop screaming.

Magnus rushes in. Running down the gangplank to grab Taako before anything else can go wrong. Merle has invoked Pan to produce a barrier of thorny vines between them and us. Davenport is at the helm, already. Raising the gangplank with Magnus, Taako, and Lup’s body still on it.

Thundering bird vehicles arrive, and there’s more fireworks sounds and holes appear on the deck. I’m hit. I’m hurrying inside. Magnus carries Taako inside. He’s dragging Lup by her robe collar.

We flee. Faster than their thundering bird-carts can fly. Desperate to get away from them. The hull integrity is compromised and we can’t hide above their atmosphere or below their oceans.

Taako won’t stop screaming. The instant Magnus puts him down, he’s cradling… what’s left of Lup. There’s blood everywhere and he won’t let us near either of them.


	2. Day 3

Merle is such a good healer. He can make us feel nothing as he removes this world’s poison darts from us.

They’re so small. Blunt. Made of lead and other base metals. The one that hit me was made to fragment. Merle said it’s turned my guts into raw mash. And yet he repairs it all.

We find shelter in a thick, wooded area where the native roads do not go. Davenport conceals us with the illusion of a forest while Merle convinces the plants to hide us. That bit is just... gross.

By then, Taako has wound down to uncontrollable sobbing. We still can’t reach him. He can’t or won’t listen to us. He just clings to her body and shudders when he has run out of tears. He looks… wrecked.

I don’t fathom it. He and she have gone into battle numerous times by now. Arm in arm. Wands in hands. Looking death in the eye and chanting their motto, “Womb mates, room mates, gonna share a tomb mates!”

We’re all… used… to dying. We know we come back on the reset. Why is this time so upsetting?

We clean up the blood. Taako is still bleeding from his wounds and he doesn’t seem to care. He still won’t let us near him or her body.

It’s Magnus who finally risks it all. He ignores Taako’s wordless hostility and puts an arm on Taako’s shoulder. “Buddy. Come on. We have to bury her.”

Taako aimed his wand straight at Magnus’ face. The first words he spoke in three days were, “I will burn a spell slot on you, I give zero shits.”

“You burned them all already, bro. You haven’t rested in three days. She’s gone. It’s time to… It’s time to deal with that.”

Taako’s hand trembled. I thought all his tears were gone, but he still had more.

“Let us look after the two of you,” said Magnus.

Taako just collapsed. I’ve never heard anyone break down like that and I never want to again. But we were finally able to take Lup’s body away and clean it. Put her in a fresh uniform and disguise her fatal wounds.

It would all come back on the reset.

She would come back on the reset.

Magnus carried Taako to the bathing chambers and washed him. He had also been hit several times, and the wounds were infected. Merle was able to heal him, of course, but Taako hasn’t complained about anything at all since Lup died.

What emerged for the funeral was not Taako. He looked like Taako. He sounded like Taako. But this was Taako with half his soul gone.

There are legends of creatures who are born as twins, and can only exist while their other half is alive. If one dies, the other slowly withers away. Seeing Taako slowly stumble out to the grave site, I can believe that.

His eyes are dull. His face is pale. The life has drained out of him. They might as well have killed him at the same time. He is a dead Elf walking.

Merle gives her a beautiful eulogy. Tells tales from our times together. And the story about how I thought she and Taako were one person. That story won’t fucking die, but it makes us laugh.

Except for Taako. He can’t even smile.

I had to guide Taako’s hands in laying a stone on the cairn. Hold him in my arms as he broke down again. He’s a hot mess, and I still don’t know why.

Magnus breaks the wall. He says what he always says when one of us is gone and the rest of the team has to carry on. “Welp. See you next year.”

“No!” Taako shouts. “Just. Fucking _no_! Lup’s the other half of my soul, we can’t joke about this. She’s everything. We’ve been through everything together and I can’t… I can’t handle a world without her! They fucking killed her for no fucking reason and they… they should’a killed me too. This world _deserves_  to burn! I wanna kill it _myself_.”

“Taako,” soothes Merle. “Remember the oath.”

“Fuck the oath! Fuck this reality! Fuck it! Fuck it all! They took _EVERYTHING_! They took the only person I can fucking rely on always and they should fucking burn! Individually! I wanna torture every single one of these fucking shitfuck _dicks_! Make ‘em hurt for the rest of their miserable lives. One year! One year is all they got and we were gonna try and _save_  them! Fuck. That. Fuck them. I’m gonna burn ‘em. Every single one of ‘em.”

Magnus caught him up in a hug. Stopped him from taking any action. Let him weep some more.

We went back inside the ship. Davenport made it blend in with the scenery. Just in case.

Magnus kept a hold of Taako while Davenport made the knock-’em-out hot chocolate. Taako’s Aunt Quesadilla’s best recipe for those who could not settle into meditation or sleep. Perhaps comfort will finally ease him into the rest he needs.

I said, “He’s taking this very hard.”

Merle said, “Well of course. This is the first time he’s been without her in a hundred and -what? Twenty, thirty years?”

“Hundred and forty-six,” said Taako. He’s merely shaking, now, but he’s not fighting Magnus’ embrace. “Plus the years on the- on the ship is a hundred and sixty-three.”

One hundred and sixty-three years of living in each other’s easy touch. If something of that depth were torn from me, I don’t think I would have handled it as well.

I’m used to being alone. I was an only child. And then an orphan. And then devoted to documenting everything. My eidetic memory and speed-writing skills have helped keep this mission together… and I’m always apart.

And I realise that I’m out of my depth when dealing with this.

Barry has been silent for three days, too. He adds a generous tot of rum to the drink, knowing that Taako won’t taste it. He takes the bottle and downs more than enough to get him very drunk, and very quickly.

Neither he nor Taako have eaten in this time, either. I’m taking the chance and making some of Aunt Quesadilla’s famous pancakes as well. Balm for an empty stomach, an empty heart, and a ravaged soul.

I’ve handed them over. Taako eats as if he is eating ash. Barry is the same, though he has more tears to shed, now. Within minutes, they are drowsy. The food and drink are taking effect.

Magnus has the magic words that finally make Taako slip under the sweet relief of sleep. “It’s okay. We’ll watch over you.”

Taako went under in seconds.


	3. Day 4

Taako and Barry are still sleeping. Merle is encouraging the bounty of nature to come to our decks in the form of all the vegetarian food that we could want. We’re doing our best without the head chef, but I can almost hear his snide criticism.

We can _not_  make contact with the locals. They’ve already shown us how savage they are. To contact them is to invite death.

We showed them beauty and peace, and they murdered her in fear and anger.

There’s no hope of retrieving the light. No hope of saving these people. Lup would be so… _disappointed_.

With any luck, we should be able to stay hidden and repair the Starblaster. And leave during the inevitable confusion when the Hunger arrives.


	4. Day 5

Taako woke first. He does not look any better than when we forced him to rest. His ears have not stopped twitching, but at least he’s talking to us now.

He complained that he can see and hear the communications of this world. He can’t make it stop. It’s funnelling into his head and it’s always too loud and it’s all at once, all the time.

Barry is still out, so it’s up to us to weave a spell that will deal with Taako’s chief complaint. Working with Bond, and Pan’s intervention, and Davenport’s illusions, we can channel the communications away from Taako. Divert them from him and control them from there.

He weeps with relief when it’s gone from his head, and in instants I can see why. At least fifty given visions at any time are showing their world how Lup died. How the guards trained red dots on her chest. How they exploded her body with poison darts. How Taako, wracked with grief and rage, almost obliterated the surrounding area.

Over and over again. Mixed in with people dissecting every second and justifying their actions and showing the same horrific images once more.

I silenced those as soon as I could. Shrank them down to the point where I didn’t have to watch Lup die again and again.

If it’s horrible for me, it must have been worse than a living nightmare for Taako.

“I heard it too late,” he wailed. “I warned her too late. If only… if only…”

Merle casts Calm Emotion, and Taako falls silent and numb. It’s terrifying seeing him like this. The twins ~~are~~  were such a source of levity amongst the crew. Killing Lup may as well have torn our hearts out.

It certainly tore Taako’s heart out.

We get him to eat. We make him drink. Gently held like a doll or a puppet in our hands. I feel so useless. All I can do is write things down. Perhaps… perhaps I can get him to talk.

Barry wakes in the afternoon. He has a similar disinterest in the everyday self-maintenance as Taako is, but at least he makes himself do the things that need to be done.


	5. Day 6

I begin a new journal. And I ask him about Lup. He starts telling me his life story, beginning with the words, “Lup… Lup was _there_. Always.”

It poured out of him in fits and starts. His childhood in an elfin village that he couldn’t spell, but sounded like… teli vizh’n. I’m certain I have the spelling wrong. Taako went on an entire rant about it.

There’s so much that neither of them mention until questioned. They didn’t even mention that they were twins when we were working together on the Light.

After hearing a few of their childhood incidents, I’m beginning to understand. They were survivors of a war. Refugees and exiles, often at the whims of strangers. At the mercy of everyone else they met. What's shocking is how they managed to come out of it all so relatively normal.

It’s taken me some time to realise that the twins’ capricious nature is part of their self-defense mechanisms. They spent a majority of their first century on the run, during the continuing fallout of the Xenophobia wars. I remember making the mistake of asking one of them -I know now that it was Lup- what the wars had been like.

She’d answered, “Hunger… and terror.”

Now I’m getting a more in-depth account from Taako, and it’s all so depressing. I’m certain they only made it through those tribulations because their twin was there.

Taako paints quite the picture of a bygone age. Not being able to trust people because those people were afraid of them. Because of their heterochromia. Because they were twins. Because they spoke a language no-one else knew. Because they were Elves, and that was the age of paranoia against the Other.

And because Lup was trans and Taako was gay.

Their childhood was rough and often filled with violence. It was just him and her against the whole world, with very rare chances for comfort. No wonder they ~~sink~~  sank themselves into luxury at every opportunity. Good food, quality things, soft beds, hot baths and, at least for Lup, the priciest wines.

Because, at any given moment, it could all go away, and they would be running again.


	6. Day 12

Things have settled more or less into a routine. We’re learning what we can from Taako’s diverted visions. Merle is studying some of their dramatic presentations. Magnus finds fascination in the documentaries. Davenport still attempts to unriddle where we all went wrong with our introduction. He’s taken the replaying visions to a room where Taako can’t hear them and lets them play through, one at a time.

I can’t bear to watch. Not any more. The look of shock and betrayal on Lup’s face as she died. The sound of Taako’s scream… I don’t know why these people keep wanting to watch it.

Taako, when I can’t lure him out of his shell long enough to tell Lup stories, slumps. He has no energy to sit upright and generally sprawls wherever we leave him.

I worry about him. I fret about the rest of this year.

We cannot hole up in this ship for the rest of this world’s lifespan. We’re all going to go mad.

I think Taako may have already started.

He no longer meditates. He sleeps. And he only sleeps under the influence of something guaranteed to knock anyone out. He may be immune to a Sleep spell, but he is certainly not immune to the rotgut he conjures. He just lays there, and drinks himself into oblivion. It can’t be healthy.

None of this is healthy.


	7. Day 130

Magnus is sick and tired of vegetarianism. He’s gone out hunting. Knowing Magnus, he’ll probably come back with a pet bear or dire lion or some other huge and furry beast. And no meat for the rest of us.

Davenport suspects that this year might be more dire than I expect. He’s made his illusions self-sustaining. All the better to devote his time and energy into unriddling the philosophies of this world.

From what I’ve seen, their entire culture is counter-intuitive. They fight for peace. They strike down those below them for the sake of equality. They have the means to move into a bold new era without want, but those who are the greediest block that path at every turn.

There is the sound of a firework. Echoing off the mountains. My heart leaps and I look for Taako. He’s already up and running. Not for safety, but off the railing and in the direction the shot came from. By the time I reach the railing, he’s already out of sight. Determined to join his sister.

Magnus appears at sunset with one of the local herbivores slung over his shoulder. We have venison, but we may have lost Taako.

I can’t help thinking that he would finally be at peace.


	8. Day 133

We have been hearing the firework noises intermittently for three days. There is one of the natives out there, shooting poison darts. And Taako is out there, too. Flirting with death.

Magnus has offered to track him down, and I fear he might die out there. I don’t want him to go. I beg him to stay close to the ship.

I don’t want to be left alone as the baby of the surviving crew. Well. One that doesn’t need care like Barry.

He’s… empty, now.

Make no mistake, I like it when Merle or Davenport ‘dad’ at me. I think they can sense that I rarely had any parental interaction and their clumsy versions of nurturing are reassuring. They usually spread their efforts equally amongst the youngsters of the crew. Otherwise known as: the rest.

But now Lup is gone and Taako has run off and it’s just Magnus and I bearing the brunt of the ‘dad’ing.

And it’s not even fair. Davenport’s just barely old enough to be a father and Magnus and I are grown. We’re not kids. Not really.


	9. Day 134

Heard one shot in the early morning. No more have followed.

I spend the day on the Starblaster’s decks, circling the railings and watching for any sign that Taako’s been reckless enough to get us discovered.

No bird-carriages that the natives call ‘choppers’. No festive lights that mean certain death. No chatter from the audio visions about finding him. Or us.

I ask Davenport if the visions could persist without Taako’s life as a conduit. He told me that the spell is linked to Taako’s senses, and diverts the visions into panels that we can see or hear.

We know that Taako is alive. And that is all.

This entire year is going so badly for us.


	10. Day 139

I have asked Davenport to teach the rest of us to pilot the Starblaster. Just in case the absolute worst happens. Magnus has been repairing the hull. As soon as we know Taako’s fate for certain, we will take what supplies we can and retreat to where they can’t reach us.

The natives have certainly proved it’s possible that they can find us, here.

So far, the only good news is that Taako is still alive, and the shots have ceased. There’s been nothing but the sound of nature for four days.

I’m maintaining the catalogue of this world’s communications, but it’s just… something to do, now. I think we’re all losing hope, one by one.

Merle is talking to the local birds, getting them to look in the forest for Taako. Davenport is still trying to work out how the natives think and what could have possibly lead to the death of Lup. Too late, now. He knows it, but the what-if game is addictive as it is torturous.

Taako returned to us well after sunset. He looks even more ruined than ever. Wounded. Exhausted. And dragging one of the natives’ weapons with him.

He drops it on the floor as he comes inside. His voice is a ghost of its former glory. “Study that if you want. I don’t care.” And he drops a small box on our table. “It uses these.” And then he just… falls… onto our couch.

Merle is with him in seconds. Healing his wounds. But Taako remains unconscious.


	11. Day 140

Taako has started having night terrors.

We all woke early in the morning to his screams and inchoate babbling. We could not find sleep again, and immediately pressed ourselves to our busy-work.

That’s why Davenport found the new footage.

I watched it twice, so I could be sure of the dialogue.

It began with a native talking to his followers about how wonderful the wilds were. He emerged from his tent and his face fell in horror. The view flipped and there was Taako. Holding the weapon on him.

“I’m pretty sure I know how this works,” he said. His voice was deceptively emotionless. I recognised it as dead.

“Hey, I mean you no harm.”

“Neither did we,” said Taako. “And then you shot her.”

“I- I didn’t,” insisted the native. He propped his device on something, so that it would capture Taako. “Look. Nothing in my hands. I’m completely harmless.”

“So was she.”

“I wasn’t at Central Park,” said the native. “I wasn’t there. I only saw it hours afterwards, and I was horrified. They had no reason to shoot her.”

“Your people put two hundred of these… bullets…” Taako gestured with the box, “into her body.”

“They’re not _my_  people. I promise. I’m not even from arou--”

“SHE WAS MY TWIN! Lup was the only person I could ever rely on for my entire life and _you_ \--” he re-drew his aim. “You have to come up with two hundred reasons why you should _live_.”

The view picked up the bottoms of this native’s pants and his bare feet. He has brown skin. “I know how much this has to hurt. I’m completely with you there. I’ve also lost family to police violence.”

“One,” said Taako. “I don’t care.”

“I only ever came here to chill. I never meant to cause you harm.”

“Two and three. Doesn’t matter.”

“I have family at home.”

“They’re dead in less than a year. Three.”

“You don’t still don’t want to do to them what the others have done to you.”

“Four. You don’t know what I want.”

“Please… all I wanna do is go home…”

“All _we_  wanted to do was help you. Five.”

“There’s still a chance to help us. There’s still a chance for peace.”

“Six. I could see and hear everything you said about us for _three_. _Days_. Three days of listening to you and everything you said about us. About her. About wanting to _cut her up_  like she was some kind of _animal_.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry it happened.”

“Seven. All the sorries in the world can’t take back two hundred bullets.” Taako took a deep breath. “You don’t have that technology, right, Bunky?”

“No. We don’t. And my name is Ezar.”

“I’d say I was pleased to meet’cha… but your lot killed my sister.”

“I’ve already told you… they’re not with me. I’m not like them. I promise.” The leg in view shifted. “I’d never have shot her.”

“You look enough like them to me. Eight.”

“I’m just a tourist. I never expected to have a gun held on me.”

“Nine. Ten. So are we. And neither did she.” Taako was crying. “We didn’t even know what a ‘gun’ is.”

“All I’m asking for is a little favour. I’ll go back and tell your story. I’ll tell everyone how they fucked up. We can still try…”

“Is it you or them, hombre?”

“When I said ‘we’, I meant… we as a people. There’s… there’s like five of you left, right?”

“Not fallin’ for it. Not giving away nothin’.”

“There’s still time…”

“One hundred and sixty-four years.”

“What?”

“One hundred and sixty-four years. All up. That’s how long we were together. Can you even comprehend that?”

“No. No I can’t. How… how long do your people usually expect to live?”

“We usually make it to seven hundred and fifty. That’s how long we planned for. Like -uh- we couldn’t think of it any other way.” And then he started reciting the twins’ motto. “Womb mates. Room mates. Gonna share a t--” he sobbed. “That _was_  the plan. Fuck you very much.” The gun twitched as the native hostage did. “Don’t fuckin’ move.”

“Sorry. I… I wanted to comfort you.”

“Eleven,” said Taako. “No hope of that, though. I’m in a deep pit, here. No way out.”

“There’s always a way. There’s always an option. There has to be.”

“Twelve. Thirteen. Doesn’t really look like it from here. We show up to someplace with peace in mind, we get shot to pieces. Don’t wanna risk that. You’d do the same, right?”

“With a world at stake? I’d risk everything to save it.”

“Fourteen. Even the chance to save the next one?”

“What?”

“There’s thousands of realities, pal. Places where the buildings are made of glass. Places where it’s all animals and they all speak the same language. Places where it’s all dinosaurs... and this hellhole. Even if we can’t save a world, we can move on. Try again. Even if there’s only one of us, the ship can fly out and… and it’s okay. We _wanted_  to save this one. Or even most of it. But you assholes have the Light of Creation and you’re using it to make _bombs_.”

“Wait. Wait. The light of _what_?”

“Don’t try to lie, I heard it. The Light of Creation landed, and it was being studied by people who sound like…” Taako said a few phrases in one of the natives’ many tongues. It was the language of their largest continent in the northern hemisphere.

“The Russians are making _bombs_?”

“Big ones,” supplied Taako. “Dunno why it’s worth the bother. You people are fucking up this world so hard in seven different ways already. If the Hunger wasn’t coming, you’d poison yourselves _and_  blow yourselves up. Shit. You don’t even wanna know that your own filth is causing cataclysmic fucking _storms_! How stupid _are_  you?”

“You… seem to think that we’re all acting as one unit, here…”

“Why not? You’re all one species.”

“Um. That’s… not how it works, here. One species doesn’t mean one society. And even in a society, there’s people with different goals. The people making the bombs aren’t with the people who shoot people. And those people aren’t with people like me. It’s just all… bunches of folks trying to make it to the next day, you know? And hundreds of years of people fucking it up for everyone else.”

“I’m bored,” said Taako. “Reasons. Now. You’re up to fourteen.”

“I really don’t want to die.”

“Nobody does. Fifteen.” His right ear started flicking. He started frowning. Wincing.

“Are you okay? You seem a little… distressed, there.”

Taako nodded at the device that was recording everything. “That thing. It’s doing stuff. I can hear it. Drr-tika-drr-drr-drr… You’re sending a signal to your allies. Sixteen.”

“That’s interference. It’s trying to reach a booster tower, but it can’t. We’re too far from any towers. It’s going to stop, soon. It does that itself. I swear.”

Flick. Flicketty flick. “I heard you talking to your followers.”

“I was only recording. I can’t stream from here. The most I can do is upload later on, when I’m at the motel by the entrance to this park.”

The flicking stopped. Taako sighed. “Seventeen. Thanks for the honesty. You stopped it when you found me, right?”

“Um. You had the gun on me. I didn’t think about it.”

“Eighteen. I knew. That was a test.”

“Am I passing?”

“Dunno. I’m still making up my mind. Lup made me promise not to do anything stupid if something happened to her. Still tryin’ to decide if this counts.”

“Did she define ‘stupid’?”

“Twin. Sister. Entire lives together. She knows--” gulp. “She knew… I can get reckless when it’s about people I love.” He re-adjusted his aim. People could see that his bottom lip was spasming and in a rictus of extreme grief. People could see fresh tears flowing.

“This… this _is_  reckless,” said the native. “You left your team, whatever place of safety you had, to go chase me down and maybe kill me… and for what? Revenge? It’s never going to help anything.”

Deep breath. Sigh. “Twenty-one. And. I don’t even know if I care. One way or another, I’m taking your shoes at the end of this.”

That was the twins’ Thing. Take their shoes. When they were bouncing from place to place, shoes must have been part of the refugee economy. Something that was definitely tradeable because it was useful in the moment. Gold or gems might get you stabbed, but a good pair of boots was worth at least two hot meals.

I’ve seen them compete to see who could hoodwink or steal a pair of shoes first. And on worlds that don’t have them… they try to make them popular and _then_  steal a pair.

On the recording, the human said, “Why my shoes?”

“Running bet,” said Taako. “Death offering. Because I want to. Because I have your death in my hands.” A ragged breath. Two. “Because the people with _these_  can do what they want.”

Taako’s belly snarled. He paid it no mind.

“When’s the last time you ate, friend?”

“‘M not your friend. Foraged on the way here.” And after a moment’s thought, he added, “Twenty-two.”

“Can’t have been nice. Can’t have been much. I got some food in my cooler. I mean. I’d like to have something to eat, too. Condemned people get a last meal. I just wish it wasn’t twinkies, ding dongs and marshmallows.”

“None of those three things you said at the end made any sense,” said Taako. “Sure. Get some food. Let’s fuckin’ feast before the end of the world.”

“Okay. I’m gonna back up real slow and unlock the cooler. Show you everything. And then we can eat.”

The foot and the pants cuff vanish. Distant words as Taako maintains his aim. “This is a cooler. It protects food and -uh- keeps it… cooler. These are twinkies.”

“They come in pairs…” said Taako. He sounds very hollow.

“Yeah. You’re supposed to share them, but most people just… snork them down any old how. These are ding dongs. And these are marshmallows. They’re -um- snack food.”

“You’re up to twenty-five, by the way,” said Taako. He made a gesture. He must have used Mage Hands to carry a relevant sampler to his lap. The recording didn’t pick up their ghostly presence. The gun lowered a little. “We eat. You don’t move. I don’t shoot. Deal?”

“Deal,” said Ezar.

The gun went into Taako’s lap. He pondered the wrappings. Sniffed one that I knew from my work was the twinkies.

“You tear open the plastic wrapper. Uh. And it’d be nice if you added that bad boy to my trash bag. Plastic… hangs around. It could choke a bird or something.”

Taako opened it and extracted an amber, sausage-shaped micro-loaf. Sniffed it dubiously. Took a bite and nearly retched. “Augh! Gods! That’s got so much fuckin’ honey in it, it’s nearly poison. You _eat_  this?”

“We don’t use honey, we use sugar. It’s… a lot sweeter than honey.”

“Already clued in on that one, dude. This _sugar_  is gross.” He took another nibble. Shuddered. Delicately put the twinkie down and attempted a ding dong. Which was round and brown. Another bite, and another comical reaction. “Gyuh. Sweet Oghma. That’s _disgusting_.” He peered myopically at the writing on the label. “Is there anything you eat that is sourced from _nature_?”

“Maybe the marshmallows? But they have sugar in them, too… You might not like…”

Too late, Taako had taken a bite. “These are actually tolerable. Hm. Pectin? No. Gelatin. This is just whipped gelatin and more of your sugar. You sustain yourself on this garbage? It’s got the nutritional value of a gnat’s whisker.”

Ezar laughed. “Yeah. I just have them as an energy booster. Hell, I was even going to pack up and go home, this morning. Because these were all that was left. Fuck that plan, right?”

Wrappers, half-eaten treats, and a handful of marshmallows went into Taako’s pocket. The gun went up again. “Technically twenty-six.”

Ezar returned to his previous place with a sigh. “Sorry the food sucked. If I could actually aim worth a shit, there’d be venison.”

“There’s food all around you, my man. Dandelions. Pine nuts. Mushrooms. Cattails… you’re sitting in the middle of a freakin’ larder and you’re eating _sugar_  and moaning about venison. You boggle my freakin’ mind.”

“I didn’t even know dandelions were edible.”

“How do you even _live_? Oghma…” he shook his head. Ate another marshmallow. “Better question. Why should _you_  live? You’re up to twenty-six.”

“You know what? Forget it. We both know I’m not going to make it to two hundred. I just… I just want one thing. A last request.”

“Spill it.”

Ezar said, “I want to call my sister and tell her goodbye.”

The gun dropped so fast that I thought Taako had dropped it. The look on his face was that of utter horror. And then… He broke down so fast. So horribly. It was as if he were in the cabin of the Starblaster all over again. Holding her body instead of a gun.

Ezar made the mistake of moving towards Taako. His last words might as well have been, “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

Taako raised the gun in instants. Fired blindly. Ezar fell. Taako fell backwards.

“Ow, Jesus fuck,” screamed Ezar. He was holding the side of his head.

Taako scrambled to his feet and dashed to one side. He must have been stealing the shoes. He had the gun, and the bullets, and the shoes, and a pocket full of sugar. “Tell your sister that you’re lucky you have her.” And then he was gone.

There was an entire panel dedicated to playing that vision over and over again. I have to wonder if the people who live here have the memory capabilities of a concussed goldfish.

The stolen boots are on top of Lup’s grave. Turned so that the weather won’t get in and ruin… whatever they’re made of.


	12. Day 142

Authorities have come looking for us, and we are not ready. I can see in the news panels that they are searching for traces that might lead back to the Starblaster.

Ezar is on the news, too. The side of his face bandaged up. Pleading our case.

“The one I met was deep in grief. They had no avenues left. No hope. If we track them down with guns blazing, it’s not just our lives that are at stake. It’s more worlds after this one. We can’t let all of existence die because of one stupid mistake. Please. Just leave them alone. We’ve already done enough damage.”

It’s a heartfelt plea. My heart goes out to him. But if watching their visions has taught me anything, it’s that people in authority do not listen to wisdom from people who aren’t.

And there is one more thing I have learned about these people.

There is no such thing as ‘enough damage’.

We have increased all our concealment strategies. Our time is now divided between caring for Taako and Barry, and watching the panels to see how close they are.


	13. Day 143

Barry spoke for the first time in months. “I should try to talk to them.”

“Absolutely not,” insisted Davenport. “We already tried a talking solution. We _know_  how that went.”

“We turned up in uniform and sent an Elf down. They hate the other. No offense.”

Taako, somewhat under the thrall of Calm Emotion, murmured, “None taken.”

“It’s so simple, it’s stupid.” Barry undid his uniform belt and shucked his robe. Underneath was the white uniform shirt and his trademark blue jeans. “Now I’m one of them.”

I said, “You’re right. That _is_  stupid.”

“It’s got to be worth trying. I can at least look like some lost doofus and get some information out of them.”

“You got the doofus part right,” murmured Taako in a dreamy voice. Some things about him can _not_  be repressed.

“Let me come with you,” offered Magnus. “I can stop them if things get rough.”

Merle was the only one among us who accepted it. “Need a blessing before you go?”

Barry said, “Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want to turn up in their midst with an aura or plants blooming in my footsteps.”


	14. Day 145

They shot Barry.

I was watching on the early morning shift. Just before it was time to rouse Taako and make him eat. Their news has become a form of companionable background noise for me. The repetition is almost soothing. For all that these natives seem to yell about everything.

And then I heard it.

“More development from the continuing investigations in the Nez Perce National Forest. Authorities have captured one of the invading aliens.”

I almost dropped the almond flour.

They went to a reporter in the field. There were flashing lights in the background, and people in uniforms. And yellow tape as a border around a scene that included a fallen body. No. No, please no.

“Officials are concerned today as an individual identified as one of the seven alien invader crew, known to the public as ‘Glasses’, infiltrated a search team. Sharp-eyed veteran Andrew Basinger realised what it was and opened fire.”

Andrew Basinger, veteran, was next on the panel. “It came up on us while we were eating our MRE’s. I knew something was wrong pretty much instantly. I mean. It was the clothes. Nobody goes out into the wilderness in just a shirt and jeans. And that shirt looked so _weird_. Like it wasn’t made here, you know? I’ll never forget it. It just walked right up to us and was like, ‘Hey guys. Uh. I heard about all the fuss out this way. Can I help?’ Like it wasn’t a thing. But I’d been seeing their faces on the news, so I could tell it was one of them. And I shouted to my buddies, ‘It’s one of them!’ and pow-pow-pow-pow-pow. It was over.”

It was a relief that they didn’t have a recording device on them. I had no heart to watch Barry die again and again and again.

I remember… Magnus said, “Oh shit.” And I know I broke down in tears.

“We can not know what is on the aliens’ true agenda,” said the reporter’s voice as the view watched people in Plague Suits move Barry’s body into a sealed container. “But now that we have a body, we are sure to know more about their biology.”

“He didn’t even _do_  anything,” said Magnus. He’s the youngest among us humans. Still growing into his muscles. So proud of his chest hair that he rarely wears a shirt. We’ve all taken to calling him ‘the bear’ because of his thick, fur coat. Right now, he’s more of a teddy bear.

I clung to him. I’ve never in my life seen such barbaric displays of wanton violence. They killed him just because they could. Just because he was there. Just because… he was one of us.


	15. Day 152

A pall has fallen over the remaining crew. Even Merle can’t find any positivity in our situation. I don’t think he even knows he’s humming hymns to do with fortitude in the face of disaster or, and this is Dwarves we’re talking about, the face of imminent death. Dwarves are traditionally miners. They have thousands of ways to die.

I never thought that he or I would become _connoisseurs_  of death.

Our days are almost becoming routine. Davenport works on the hull repairs, concealed in multiple illusions. Magnus helps with the heavy lifting. Thank the Gods we designed the Starblaster to be an easy fix. It’s harder without our wizards, but we can manage.

Merle and I spend our time caring for Taako. We’re done analysing what these natives call ‘food’. Not much to them but sucrose and other compounds with no food value.

Taako… drinks. When he is not under the influence of Merle’s Calm Emotion, he conjures up the worst possible rotgut we’ve ever encounters and just… lays around drinking it. I keep asking him for stories of his life with Lup. It seems to keep him grounded. It seems to help.

I just wish I could do more.

 


	16. Day 187

The news is reporting that Barry is just a regular human. Nothing turned up in his _autopsy_. A word I know means that they cut up his body to see what it was made of. We could have told them. We could have helped them. We could have saved them.

Other news panels are demanding to know how we could destroy their world in less than a year. They’re demanding that their armies assemble in the area we’ve chosen as our refuge, and hunt us down to stop the threat.

They don’t want to hear our own words. They heard Taako talking about our saving them from the Hunger, and they think we control it. They think that killing all of us will prevent their own destruction.

They don’t listen. They don’t retain information. They communicate by yelling.

Maybe Taako is accurate in calling this Idiot World.


	17. Day 205

Davenport was searching the rock faces for materials for the hull. Something to re-enforce the Starblaster’s hull against the bullets that the natives use. Their own transmissions also told us that they have rockets that can do even more damage than the bullets. And we are so close to lifting off that we dare not risk any damage on our way to a sanctuary out of range of their weapons.

We heard three shots. Magnus rushed off without thinking. There were five more.

That night, we learned that our Captain and Magnus are dead.

There’s three of us left. Every attack, they get closer to the Starblaster.

It’s so hard to hang on to hope, now.


	18. Day 274

They got Merle.

I’m taking off with the two of us. We have enough supplies to last the rest of the year.

It will be over soon.

But not too soon.

Unfortunately.


	19. Day 300

There is a cloud of debris orbiting the planet. If we stay amongst it, they cannot aim their rockets at us. Merle’s plants keep the air fresh. Mostly.

Taako is smoking now. Dandelion. For Elves, it’s a way to shut off their pains and turn aside their troubles. In combination with the alcohol, it makes him… less. I’m afraid he’ll wither away if I let him sink any further into despair.

I’m teaching him how to fly the Starblaster. Using the lure of having us all back to tempt him towards committing the procedures to memory.

He learns over my shoulder with his pipe in one hand and a bottle in the other. And I am very afraid that he might let the universe… the multiverse… get devoured because of what this one world has done to us.


	20. Day 342

They have aircraft that can come close to us. We have been lucky in avoiding them so far. Surely they can see that we have no weapons. Surely they know that we are actively avoiding them.

Surely they can tell that we don’t want any further conflict.

I have silenced all the panels. All of Taako’s visions.

I just can’t stand them any more.

I don’t want Taako to see that they found Lup’s body. What grotesqueries they’ve done to her remains.

I don’t want to hear another word about what they discovered with Davenport or Merle’s remains.

I can’t stand them.

I…

I hate them.


	21. Day 357

Aircraft got too close for comfort. Barely got away.

The eyes have come. The storm approaches.

Taako has spent two months in just his sleepwear. I can’t make him look after himself. I can barely make him eat. I barely want to eat, myself.

I don’t want either of us to be left alone.

The stars are going out. Colours are fading. And still the natives are blaming us.


	22. Day 359

The natives are shooting rockets at us.

I know they’re deadly. How could they not be deadly? Everything on this world is made to kill.

I spend more time dodging rockets than looking after Taako.

This has gone so very bad. 

I don’t want it to end here.


	23. Day 363

Good news. Dodged more rockets successfully.

Bad news. Hurt my arms. Bad.

Taako is my arms and his handwriting is TERRIBLE.

It will be over soon.


	24. Day 365

Hunger attacks. We book.

Toodle fucking oo, you stupid world.

Fuck you.

 

*

 

They have one day between realities. One day after the reset to breathe a sigh of relief.

This time, the entire crew of the Starblaster clusters into a giant cuddle-pile. Taako shows the most raw emotion that anyone has ever seen. He’s almost hysterical with relief.

“Never do that again,” he demands. “Never. EVER. Do that again.”

And he spends all his time in the next world in close, physical contact with one or another of his fellow crew.

 

END


End file.
